Fidelis
by creepymushroom
Summary: He was her apprentice, her warrior, her deputy. Most of all, though, he was her savior. And now it was her time to save him.


_"Stay beside her. Look after her."_

Bluestar's eyes flickered to her deputy's face for a second; searching for something in those last precious moments they had left before the dog pack would rampage through the camp. Fireheart didn't meet her gaze; he was too caught up in speaking with Whitestorm about this plan of his. She didn't trust it. She was sure that this pack of… of… snake-bellied traitors would try to save themselves whatever it took, but what was the point? They were all going to betray her eventually. Traitors always showed their true nature in due time. Besides, she was positive that the second one of them was in real danger, it would be every cat for themselves. They had no chance. The dogs were going to slaughter them all.

Nonetheless, Bluestar played along. She was on her last life, after all. There was certainly no point in acting so noble any longer. She had no clan, no kits, and no family. If she were going to die, why should she bother fighting it? At the very least, she could relax at Sunning Rocks one last time before biting the dust.

Finally, the time had arrived, and the cats of ThunderClan began to make their way to their refuge, the older warriors leading the way, followed by the queens and their kits, and finally the clan elders. Bluestar had taken a deep breath, forcing herself to carry on with them, finding support on her kin, Whitestorm, who'd been all but silent, bar a few words of agreement to Fireheart. Her stomach began to churn uneasily; perhaps she hadn't eluded fear of her death after all. She let out a scornful laugh, though it was quiet enough to go unheard by the rest of her 'clan.' She was still mortal, after all. Her mind may have seen the truth of it all, but her body still possessed instincts, and death had always been the body's ultimate fear for every creature.

A grunt of pain from up ahead drew Bluestar from her thoughts. One-eye crouched, sides heaving and eyes shut, in the middle of their route, and it was obvious that the old she-cat would not be able to travel all the way to the edge of their territory. With precious time running out, Bluestar felt a pang of pity for the elder, who they clan would have no time to stop for. They had to look out for their own lives first and foremost after all.

"Hush, One-eye. I'm here; it'll be alright."

Bluestar's eyes widened as Mousefur knelt down beside her clan mate and, with a gentle push, got the elder back onto her feet and moving, allowing One-eye to lean against her as they walked. Longtail, the little underling of Tigerstar's, even lent his shoulder to the she-cat's aide. The ThunderClan leader narrowed her eyes slightly in suspicious surprise. For the first time since they'd left, she looked around at the traveling cats. She was truly seeing them for the first time. Warriors were carrying kits with the queens. The elders were being helped along.

"Don't worry, Lostface," Cloudtail mewed into the scarred she-cat's good ear. "Just stick by me."

"What about Fernpaw and Ashpaw?" the young warrior whispered timidly under her breath.

"They'll be fine," Cloudtail nudged his muzzle against her neck, "Just worry about yourself."

Bluestar's expression softened, letting her eyes drift from the cats in front of her to her left. The she-cat's eyes were growing distant, as if looking at something far beyond the forest, her eyes glazing over with thoughts and memories. Beside her, Whitestorm was saying something soft, something that was supposed to reassure her, calm her down. She didn't hear it.

_"Bluestar?"_

_His ginger pelt blazed in the light of early morning as he stood patiently at her den entrance, a glow of sunlight outlining his shadowed shape. He looked straight at her, straight into her eyes, though she didn't flinch away like she did the others. She didn't see the same treachery behind those bright green eyes. All she saw was concern. The subtle tone in his voice betrayed it, too. _

_"What is it Fireheart? This is the fourth time you've bothered me today." Bluestar let her voice carry a slight amused lightness to it. She felt exhausted, yes, and she felt anxious, what with Tigerclaw's minions still stalking around camp like they owned the place. It all made her skin crawl with disgust. However, she had to find some humor in her day, or her mind would surely crumble under the stress._

_Her deputy took a few tentative steps forward, relaxing his shoulders and taking in a deep breath through his nostrils. It was easy to see that something was worrying him. Though, Bluestar reflected, the tomcat seemed to always be worrying about something these days. They all did. Still, the caution he now hid behind whenever approaching her struck Bluestar like a sharp claw. He was her trusted deputy, the cat she could always rely on to follow her most loyally. Did he not feel that same closeness that she felt? The ThunderClan leader closed her eyes for a moment in thought, then dipped her head, gesturing him to continue with whatever was on his mind. _

_"It's about the apprentices." Fireheart paused, "We need more warriors if we are to protect our borders. Every cat is already putting in double their efforts to rebuild the camp, and-"_

_"And what good will new warriors do us, Fireheart?"_

_She caught Fireheart flinch at her reprimand. Bluestar's rare lightness had gone, ripped away by that cold, awful reality; the reality that there was truly no one she could put her faith in any longer. Her clanmates betrayed her, StarClan watched idly on as she suffered, and her last remaining family, her kits, were loyal to RiverClan. Though she loved them with all her heart, Bluestar could not trust warriors from another clan any more than she could trust the traitors in her own. _

_"Bluestar, no-"_

_"What good will new traitors do?" The she-cat continued as if she hadn't heard him, "I've already told you, Fireheart, that disloyalty only breeds more disloyalty. Those apprentices were taught by traitors and they are certainly traitors now!"_

_"But Bluestar…" the deputy mewed, "Your clan hasn't betrayed you. Only Tigerstar." _

_He hesitated to speak the name._

_"I've made Cloudtail a warrior." Bluestar murmured, "Is that not enough for you?"_

_She saw the ginger tomcat open his mouth, as if to reply, but turned her back to him before she could see him close it without a word. Memories were bubbling up from the crevices of her mind, emotions that she'd long since buried were surfacing. A shiver ran down her spine, and her eyes clouded with confusion. Would Fireheart turn on her, too? The one cat she'd trusted? The clan leader turned her head back to stare into her deputy's green eyes one more time to deliver a final blow._

_"Or will you betray me like everyone else?" _

_"I would never betray you, Bluestar," Fireheart mewed in disbelief, "Please believe me. You can trust me."_

_Her sadness was overflowing now, mixing with an awful guilt. A pelt brushed against her own, sending a ripple through her tired body. Flame-colored fur mixed with her steel-gray, and a nose pressed against her flank. Suddenly, Bluestar was warm, and her body was shaking. She sat still, her blue eyes half-closed and transfixed on the dirt of her den, fearing that if she tried to move her legs would give out. She was so tired._

_"I do trust you, Fireheart."_

_She was surprised when she realized that deep down, it was the truth._

The clan waited at Sunningrocks in quiet anticipation, huddled mostly together with closeness being the cats' only comfort. Some ways off, Bluestar was perched on a branch with her claws dug into its bark, her eyes narrowed in thought. No cat seemed to bother the leader, though she couldn't help but notice that Whitestorm had taken to keeping a close eye on her.

The she-cat guessed that the plan had just been set into action, as far off she could hear the faint rumble of giant paws and the boom of cruel barks. Her fur refused to lie flat, much to her annoyance, as fear raced over her spine. Why did she feel this frightened? She would die sooner or later. Her last life was growing thin. She could feel it. Why fear it any longer? Why care?

Shivers made it hard for her to sit still. It was like her body was convulsing, every muscle tensed, every hair on end. She closed her eyes. What were these thoughts now racing through her mind? Memories of moons long passed flashed before her eyes. She was younger then, and infinitely more confident. 'And infinitely more naïve,' Bluestar added to herself. Somewhere the dogs barking boomed louder. The leader shifted uneasily, but let herself drift a moment.

_She fought, blood roaring in her ears, but for all her strength, it seemed like she was powerless. From under Tigerclaw's weight, the leader yowled, and writhed, unsheathed claws digging into her deputy's shoulder. It all seemed so instinctual, as her mind filled with feelings and thoughts and disbelief. Why? Her blue eyes narrowed as pain seared through her pelt. Why did it come to this? He had been her deputy! He was the one she'd trusted! How could he do this? How could he attack her so easily? She tried to squirm out from under him, but the tabby cat proved much stronger than her. His amber eyes were cold splinters of ice, never flinching, never betraying any kind of remorse. Bluestar screeched, anguish and anger mixing in a perfect, bloodcurdling shriek._

_She thought she was as good as dead._

_"Traitor!"_

_The fire had saved her, with a slash of claws aimed at Tigerclaw's eyes, and Bluestar pulled herself up and scrambled away on her shaking legs, eyes wide and cloudy. She stared, situated in a corner of her den, at the fighting cats, her warrior and her deputy, her savior and her attacker. The great tabby tomcat loomed powerfully over Fireheart, and a knot twisted in Bluestar's throat. Her gasps for air came out in haggard breaths, her heart pounding erratically in her chest. _Please, not Fireheart. _Her breath caught in her throat as the ginger tom, by a hair's breadth, dodged an undoubtedly fatal bite to the neck and rolled away. Her muscles tensed when Tigerclaw hurled himself at him, with her warrior dodging again just in time. _

_Bluestar could see their mouths moving, could tell that they were talking, but nothing they said reached her ears. It was all drowned in a torrent of thoughts pouring into her skull. Her shallow breaths felt so soft, so small, that at a time, she thought that she surely had stopped breathing altogether. Never once did her eyes leave the fighting warrior, who alone came to her rescue. Her eyes fixated on him._

_And finally, almost as quickly as it had started, the fighting ended with Fireheart landing a hard blow to the older cat's belly and pinning him down with admirable strength. _

_"Bluestar! Help me hold him down!"_

_She jumped. Those had been the first words that she'd heard since the fight had began, and she was so shaken up, so tense, that anything could startle her. She looked into Fireheart's eyes and nodded slowly, padding carefully to Tigerclaw's pinned form and placing her own paws over his hind legs. All the while she shook. _

_A moment later, a ragged, longhaired tomcat rushed into the den, his pelt matted with blood from battle wounds. Bluestar couldn't react, though fear rose suddenly as she anticipated a rogue to cross the threshold from outside. It died away when she realized that it was only Graystripe, come to ask her for help. The leader didn't speak, only barely managing to look at him. She was aware of the conversation going on between Fireheart and his friend, but her mind still swam, and her body still hurt. All she got from it was that Fireheart was leaving. _

_No, don't leave me._

_Bluestar looked from Graystripe, who'd taken Fireheart's place, to Fireheart as he padded quickly for the entrance._

_Please, Fireheart._

_Her face betrayed nothing. She didn't have the energy to call out to him, nor the confidence to. She was stuck in place, and she looked as Fireheart glanced back at her one last time before darting out into the fray. _

_Come back!_

"I need you…"

The words left Bluestar's mouth before she'd even realized it, and she was finally snapped back into the present by the growls of the ever-nearer dogs. Her eyes were clouded with sadness, her mouth parted. Fireheart would be running from those dogs. Fireheart would be running for the clan. He'd be running for her.

How could she have abandoned him? How could she have called him a traitor?

She stifled a grunt, getting to her feet and glancing at the cats huddled together in the trees. Whitestorm had taken his eyes off her for a moment to give Willowpelt a comforting lick, whispering something into her ear. The cats of ThunderClan pressed against each other, but something about them seemed different to Bluestar. They were scared, shivering in a few trees, but their faces were hopeful. Would traitors help each other so? Would traitors put so much faith in someone else? They believed in Fireheart.

Just like she did.

She couldn't stay. Bluestar took the moment as Whitestorm was looking away to climb down the tree where she'd sat. She had to help him. She had to protect her deputy, just as he had done for her those moons ago. She had to help.

The grass was soft against the pads of her feet, though Bluestar had no time to dwell on this. She exploded into a run as soon as her feet touched ground, fighting for strength as she pressed on. The world flew past her in a great blur of colors and sounds. How could she have let it go this far? Fireheart was her deputy, her fire! How could she?

_Be all right, Fireheart._

The dogs were closer than ever, and the she-cat could see them running ahead of her, closing in. She let out a shocked gasp as one picked Fireheart up into its jaws, tossing him like a mouse. Fear swept off of her pelt, but she ignored it. Her mission had given her strength. She unsheathed her claws.

_Don't give up._

Leaping into the air, Bluestar crashed into the attacking dog with all her might, fastening her claws into its pelt. Everything went fuzzy around her, and the sounds faded. The dogs seemed far off. She was calm as she began to fall, along with the dogs, over the edge of the gorge. The world was moving in slow motion, and Bluestar looked back at Fireheart one last time, satisfied. She would end here if it meant keeping him safe. She lost sight of her deputy finally, the air rushing through her fur. The roar of the rapids below grew nearer, but even now, they couldn't drown out the sole, horrified scream that sounded from the top of the ledge.

"Bluestar!"

_I love you._


End file.
